Car-makers have a way of predicting what we, the car buying public want. Ford predicted we wanted an all-new Focus RS, they were right, boy they were they right. Similarly, Fiat bringing back the iconic 500 model, again, we wanted these cars more than actual snow on Christmas Day.

Whilst these are two success stories when carmakers get it wrong, they get it very wrong, as in they give us something that should be scorched from the face of the earth with fire, once it’s dead, kill it with more fire to make sure it will never live again.

The Fiat 500L

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Something is not right about this Fiat 500….

So, Fiat bought back the 500 with huge success, clearly, the little Italian go-kart only appeals to certain people because it’s tiny and can seat only four people. As all this success went to their heads, the Fiat boffins came up with the 500L to appeal to a larger market, when I say larger I mean it literally, as in they came up with a 500 so big that it can seat five or seven people depending on the spec you choose. Just see below for the problem:

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Its the 500’s bigger much uglier brother

Yep, it’s fucking massive, it’s also fucking hideous, the kind of car that will give your children nightmares as they peer out of their bedroom window and see it sitting there in the driveway, looking huge and hideous. What were they thinking? The 500 is meant to be a city car, not a massive SUV with looks that give nightmares. If there ever was a car that should be killed with fire then this is it.

The BMW X6

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Pure hatred on wheels

Some of you will hate me for this choice, but let me spell out for you what this is. Take a perfectly hateable BMW X5, which is a good car with a bit of an image problem, chop a bit off the back and make it less useable and therefore less practical and bump up the price. Makes perfect sense doesn’t it, no, it’s a stupid idea at best, the really stupid thing is that people actually buy the damn things as clearly stupidity is contagious.

Stop and think for a minute, if people hate you driving an SUV like the X5, what do you think people will think of you if you buy its slightly less spacious, uglier less practical sibling; they are going to hate you even more. The X6 is a car that breeds more hatred that a UK politician that’s apologising for something they knew was wrong but got caught doing so they have to apologise, hatred pure and simple. I will only briefly mention the ‘M’ version of this car, if as a company you have an entire division devoted to making lighter and faster versions of your standard roads cars, why the hell did you get them to make a fast version of a car that has the same dynamics as a small planet and weighs about as much.

The Volkswagen Jetta

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Just out of shot is the driver adjusting the creases in his trousers

The Jetta is basically the Germans answer to the Toyota Camry, beige and more beige, the kind of car you drive if you like to iron creases into the front of your trousers. Volkswagen gave us the iconic Golf, long standing and well loved, they gave us the Jetta, basically a Golf with a boot which is worse than a Golf because it’s not actually called a Golf, it’s called a Jetta and is therefore automatically worse and less practical.

In a world of choices I can think of no reason why you would choose the Jetta over a Golf, unless you have taken complete leave of your senses and describe yourself on your online dating profile as “GSOH, likes nights in and adventuring days out”, the reason you’re on a dating site, the fucking Jetta that’s why. If you own one of these cars, kill it with fire and buy a Golf, problem solved.

 

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