As a man (or woman as we believe in equality here) of a certain age and a certain moral standard, there are simply some things that you should never do. There are certain lines that should never be crossed and some taboo’s that should never be broken.

One of these is coveting your significant other’s mother; you should also never covet her sister either. You should also most certainly not covet both your her mother and her sister in the same three-way scenario either, as this would be bad.

Here we will cover a line you should never cross, buying a used German Luxury Saloon car.

When you think of large German luxury cars, you immediately think of the Mercedes S-Class, the BMW 7-Series, and the Audi A8. All are a byword for power and luxury and offer as much opulence as a five-star hotel with a personal butler.

All three are also very expensive to buy new, they also depreciate as quickly as they accelerate and will, therefore, appeal as a bargain after a few years of usage as they are mercilessly cast into the used car market where upon arrival on your driveway they will grab you by the ankles, hoist you upside down and shake you until they have consumed all of your earnings and then some.

You will be taken to a time and a place where a mere set of replacement brake discs will cost a four figure sum to replace electrical issues; you can expect plenty. Fuel economy, even sitting still with the engine turned off your bargain German Luxo barge will be knocking it back like the cast of TOWIE at the opening night of an envelope.

If you want the king of luxury used super saloons then you may be looking in the wrong place with these three. There is one carmaker that builds a car so rare and so vastly depreciating that it offers an ownership experience to be had for a small amount of cash.

The Volkswagen Phaeton is the car in question; it’s the German luxury barge that depreciates three times as quickly as it accelerates. This Bentley Flying Spur platform based behemoth is a true unicorn in every sense of the word, currently, on the roads of the United Kingdom, there are a mere 1,777 examples of the Phaeton.

In the time it took to take this picture, £400 in value was lost……

When you compare this to the Mercedes S-Class which has a current total of 30,534 examples on the road you begin to appreciate that the Phaeton could quite possibly be the ultimate luxury barge unicorn.

The Phaeton was the parting gift to Volkswagen from its outgoing chairman Ferdinand Piech. He wanted to create a car that would surpass the likes of Mercedes and BMW in the high-end luxury sector. The Phaeton was also a direct swipe at Mercedes as they had dared to complete with Volkswagen in the small car market sector with the introduction of the A-Class.

All is quiet at 186mph

Amongst Piech’s many many demands was that the Phaeton should be able to maintain an all day driving speed of 300km/h (186mph), perhaps amongst all these secret demands he maybe he had it in mind that mobile refueling would be possible but who knows.

Having already established that the Phaeton has its German rivals well and truly beaten when it comes to unicorn status. The Phaeton also has another Top Trump statistic over its rivals, the massive depreciation. If you bought one of these new in 2009 for around £46k, here in 2017 your humongous car is worth around £6,500 to £8,500 on average. You also may not know or never wanted to know that Volkswagen only sold a total of 201 Phaeton’s in the UK during 2009.

So very cheap……

Believe it or not, even after all the losses Volkswagen have incurred in recent years with the Dieselgate scandal, they still actually make the Phaeton. Around 4,000 cars are still being built each year with over half being shipped to China.

So there you have it, Germanic build quality and luxury, true unicorn status and you can have one for the price so low that they will let pretty much any riff raff in, just don’t buy one new whatever you do.